Let me tell you something, girlfriend (because you’re not a guy writing this fluff crap):
I am old enough to remember when people were genuinely outraged when Orangino became president. A lot of other people are, too. Having been a journalist, I understand that you can’t keep beating a dead horse. So, sure, you have to dispense with the “OK, this Russia thing is nuts, is it NOT?!” and trend more towards normalization because we’ve never been through this before and not even our government knows what to do. So the only thing anyone knows to do now is write about Trump’s first Easter Egg roll and ridiculous humans like Sarah Palin and Ted “Racist McGillicuddy” Nugent coming to visit him in the White House as though he belongs there and about how presidential he is now that he has dropped bombs on people. I get it. I get it for your editor. I am not there and never will be. But I’m gonna draw the line at this.
You are writing a story about Melania Trump’s first lady portrait. Oh, that’s nice! When is my White House portrait? I only ask because I, like Melania, do NOT live in the White House. But she gets a portrait while my home state takes on the financial burden of her not living in the White House. And I get a story in my Twitter timeline exhorting me to look at her portrait.
No.
No.
Nope.
N.
O.
P.
E.
NOPE.
I also don’t care about her Easter Roll dress. I don’t care about the length of her dress. I don’t care about her makeup or hair secrets. I’m not here to “free” her or sympathize with her. If she’s so unhappy, she should have told her husband not to run. But just like her huckster husband, Melania is full of tricks and I’m not normalizing that, either. For a couple reasons. Let’s go!
- Melania Trump is a birther. This lady wants to see Barack Obama’s birth certificate?!! You really can’t get much more ridic than this. It’s not like her own citizenship has never been at issue.
- I used to be a columnist at a conservative paper. Once, I made the mistake of writing about Michelle Obama’s “Let’s Move” program, and one of my readers responded by telling me that she was the last person who should be doing such a program because she’s “out of shape.” First off, I once read that Michelle-y would wake up at 4:30 a.m. to make sure she had time to work out and I decided then that she was the best First Lady ever. Second, what. WHAT. I responded to that guy by looking up Michelle’s height and weight online and breaking down her BMI for him. What a waste of time. I wasn’t going to convince him! But I just couldn’t even. And now, when I see tweets like this
I still just can’t even. If you want to talk about how I know racism is real, let’s talk about a woman who moved her family to Washington, D.C., and raised them in the White House, and was a role model for eight years. She raised two girls into women who likely know what the word “complicit” means. No scandal. No side piece. No nude photos of her that exist at all. She slayed the fashion world and people talked about her arms, her shoulders. A lot of ignorant folks called her an ape for most of that time. Apparently, her presence in the White House was enough of an embarrassment to ROCK ON OHIO, but not to Melania herself who straight up plagiarized that women’s speech. And now let’s talk about this one, who advances her husband’s nutbar ideas but won’t live in the White House and lied about her education and, again, maybe her immigration status, and you are writing about her dress? And you’d like me to read your fashion piece? LOL no. My question is, can she read that drivel?
The book and the pictures are not for you, hon.
Next, you’re gonna tell me about how her anti-bullying campaign is working out, especially with the bully-in-chief she doesn’t even want to live with. But we have to.
I know. Your editor told you that just like Jackie O., we have to cover the fashion of this first lady, too. Maybe some people are ready for this to get normal, so they’re doing their part. You’re probably getting clicks from people who can separate the dress from the wearer from the arm and whose arm her arm is locked with. That’s nice.
Me?
#resist