I wrote what’s below back in July — Alton Sterling, the police officers shot in New Orleans, Philandro Castille. I wrote it because it was really bugging me. I wrote it and put it away. It was more like therapy and I felt just fine after I hit “save.”
Then Colin Kaepernick. Last weekend, I couldn’t bring myself to watch him get skewered by “patriots” for choosing to kneel for the national anthem. Suddenly, he was a terrible person and he should go find somewhere else to live. I wonder where our common sense went. Why is it difficult to understand that a person can appreciate the advantages granted him in this country (advantages he almost certainly couldn’t have anywhere else) and yet acknowledge that there are several things about our country that is flawed? This does not make you a hypocrite or a traitor. It makes Kaepernick a human, and he is one of the decreasing number in our country who can hold two things.
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I listened to this TED Talk recently that I can’t stop thinking about. It was from Ash Beckham, a lesbian and an activist about duality – the idea that you can hold two things at once, that it is in fact our nature to do this. I’m thinking about it a lot today.
Many people are taking the events of the last couple of days and are picking a side. But I am holding two things.
I grew up in Brooklyn. So I grew up knowing names like Abner Louima and Amadou Diallo, and knowing then that if you’re black, you need to be extra careful in your dealings with the police. You understood that even though some officers did horrible things to innocent people, they might not be punished for it. That made me sad and frustrated.
I grew up in Brooklyn. It’s a melting pot, and I knew so many people of so many various backgrounds that I understood that identity – real identity – is far deeper than skin. I passed high school algebra because of a couple of Pakistani kids in my class. Our teacher, Ms. Goldberg, perversely delighted in making those of us who were bad at math feel bad about it. These guys who sat next to me in the back of the class would just explain it to me so I could understand. I wouldn’t trade anything for growing up in Brooklyn.
I love and respect the black men in my life. My dad and uncles and grandfathers were black men. I watched my little brother grow up to be a black man. I recognize that their journey through this country is different than that of others. I went to Hampton University and met a diverse depth of brotherhood I had not seen, even having lived minutes from Harlem.
I love my husband. He is a white man. He is the stay-at-home father of our children and he makes a wicked batch of jalapeno-infused tequila.
I also respect law enforcement. My brother is a police officer. Even if he weren’t, I would have to recognize that the best of them have an instinct to run towards danger to serve and protect, instead of away from danger, as I would.
I can hold two things. You can, too. It’s not natural to pick a side when it comes to complex issues. You can think that two police officers who have neutralized a situation by fully restraining their suspect, and then shooting that suspect to death is horrible, and you can also think that the needless deaths of five police officers is horrible, and that neither should happen.
The Black Lives Matter movement holds two things. The movement is not “Black Lives Matter More” but “Black Lives Matter, Too.” It certainly does not mean that if a black life is taken, you must go take a blue life. No one in his right mind would ever suggest this. And yet, in this very complex situation, we are encountering people who cannot hold two things, because the thing they’re holding is hate or fear, and it polarizes the conversation.
You can hold two things. You should hold two things.